urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim jakeakazim jakeakazim 2005-03-19T01:05:03Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:17492 2005-03-19T01:05:03Z 2005-03-19T01:05:03Z Talk shows on mute--Incubus today is the greatest day ive ever known... Absolutely perfect, flawless even... After all the pain, anger, depression, and hate...I finally know some kind of peace. Kind of like a flower suffering through winter only to flourish ever so beautifully in the spring.<br /><br />I am...happy... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:17406 2005-03-16T23:34:01Z 2005-03-16T23:34:01Z please remember me- Tim Mcgraw im almost afraid to tell people how good ive been feeling lately. Kind of afraid that if i spill whats goin on inside my head, that all this good feeling will go away. Kind of a punishment for sharing too much of my own personal worlds knowledge. It feels so damn good that i almost broke down crying last night (or this morning). Nothing really hurts as much anymore. I never thought id feel this way again. So God...id like to thank you. Thank you for everything...<br />Finally some kind of peace amidst this world of chaos and pain. kind of like when too many sleeping pills finally kick in...lol urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:16946 2005-03-15T18:35:13Z 2005-03-15T18:35:13Z Incubus- In my room last night at work i had some interesting conversations on the phone. First i talked to my good friend David, and after that i talked to Danaka. Two people i really dont get to talk to enough. I also found out that there is probably a good chance that my ex cheated on me a couple of times. lol Thanx V!!! I dont know, any other time that i would hear such ear wrenching news, i would usually have some kind of mental shock where i just couldnt believe it. I mightve even tripped up a bit, maybe got a little emotional over it. But all that is over now. I no longer have to worry about getting my heart ripped out over stupid shit like that. Im stronger now...i guess. And all i can say is...i like it. So yeah, im still going strong now. Totally focused on work as of right now. Just working and maybe play some Rpgs here and there. Man...that shit is fun as hell. Weve really gotten into this Hunter: the reckoning. I dont give a fuck if the books are out of print...that game is the shit. Plain and simple. Anyhow. Ive been trying to be maybe a little more social lately. I met some people at the pool hall this weekend and that was pretty cool, im just having a hard time interacting due to my night shift job. No one is up at 4 oclock in the morning. lol but its cool i should be moving to daytime hours at lowes in like 3 weeks or so. <br />lets see... Ive been listening to alot of incubus lately. I dont know i really like that warm sound in music that they produce. Ive never heard such uplifting positive energy in music before. So yeah. i think im just gonna lay down and sleep some before i have to go to work. Ill try to post more often.<br />laters... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:16657 2005-03-10T20:46:55Z 2005-03-10T20:46:55Z Make yourself-Incubus Damn its been a long ass time since ive written in this thing. Ever since the tragedy that occured in san diego...lol! But seriously, i still dont know why i stopped writing. I just didnt want to share anymore vital information i suppose. But now im ready again, to open up myself to the world once more. But i must warn you all. I am a changed man...completely, utterly, and confidently. I think i love me. Yeah, try saying that to yourself 3 times fast. Its rare that we should be so lucky to fall in love with ourselves. To be totally content with oneself is the greatest gift God couldve let us experience. <br />For those of you who care. I have been doing really actually pretty good for myself. Im totally focused on work. I quit smoking cigarettes, and drinking. Its been like 5 months without alchohol, 4 1/2 weeks no cigarettes. I still smoke the reefer though. Ive gots to stimulate my mind every once in a while ;). <br />Its been like 6 months since ive had any real depression. Those of you who know me, knew how i was. It was not pretty. But im all ok now. And for those of you who know who im talking to... i still love you all. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:16624 2005-01-02T02:15:20Z 2005-01-02T02:15:42Z im so nervous right now im shaking. What im wanting to say right now, i wish i didnt have to. V, all i ever wanted for you was the best life possible. Ever since i meet you, all i wanted you to be was...Happy. I wish the best for you in this new year, and here...your new life. Who knows, maybe i really was wrong this past 10 months. Maybe i wasted my life, maybe ill continue to do so. Maybe you never needed me. Maybe you were happy to begin with. I wish i could face you right now, but i know, physically... i just cant. I dont care who reads this, because right now it really doesnt matter. <br /> All i really care about is for everyone i have ever meet in this town of San Diego to live the best life possible, in the best possible manner they know how to. I have no complaints of our relationship, no remarks, no comments. Just these words explaining to you that i wish for you the best of what life has to offer. Of what God might have to offer. Of what true friends or family or even total strangers have waiting in their hands, ready to give you. All this is yours...never forget that. <br /> Please dont think ill of me. This is not an attempt to make any guilt trips or to sway others opinions of you or me. I just need you to know how i feel, i still love you. How could i not. At one point i would've taken a million bullets for you, a thousand lashes, hundreds of deaths. I do love you, and even though were not together dont think that will ever change, youve shown me so much in such a short amount of time. I am eternally grateful for that. And even though ill be gone, you'll always be in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you...for everything.<br /><br />I hope to god you read this... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:16165 2004-12-22T05:47:22Z 2004-12-22T05:47:22Z Take a photograph...itll be the last...<br />not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here...<br />i just have a chance...not a family or honest plea remains to say...<br />im done...i really dont have anything else to say...<br />im so sorry for what i have and couldve been capable of doing...<br />im so sorry... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:15932 2004-12-15T21:00:28Z 2004-12-15T21:00:28Z Keep it movin- Twiztid fuckin...i just woke up ive been asleep for like 24 hours. My throat still hurts like hell, and the medicine im on makes my fuckin breathe stink like shit. So a quick update...im still sick. But i must go to work tonight. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:15734 2004-12-15T04:16:24Z 2004-12-15T04:16:24Z Listen- twiztid fuckin shit...looks like im out of luck like a slut with nobody to fuck...looks like ive got strep throat...this sux. So i called into work sick today, man i hope i dont get fired over the shit. But i cant help it im so fuckin tired and my throat hurts so much. I think ive been feeling it coming on for a while. BUt it picked the most unopportune moment to finally kick in. Oh well as long as i dont get fired. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:15448 2004-12-14T21:46:46Z 2004-12-14T21:46:46Z She said im the only one... - Twiztid Yesterday i went and dropped off some money to V's fathers house, valentina twixx and kris, were all there. It was weird seeing V again though...i really honestly had nothing to say to her. I dont even know how i feel anymore. All i know is that im not depressed or anything. And i dont think i should be. Shes gotten what she wanted...she wants to be single and run fuckin rampid...me...i think you already know, I finally get to go home...nuff' said<br /><br />zim urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:15170 2004-12-10T01:32:52Z 2004-12-10T01:32:52Z Everlast--Black Jesus well i guess its been awhile since ive written in this thing...so here goes. It looks like my transfer for lowe's finally went through and i should be leaving san diego, CA in late january. Its gonna be cold as fuck in Indiana, i can tell you that much. Ill be makin $10 an hour out there though. Thats DAMN good money where im from, and ill finally be able to get my own place. Im super fuckin stoked. Anyway, Larry said hed probably drive over there with me. And then fly back. I think thatd be pretty fuckin sick, i really dont wanna make the trip by myself, but i will if i have to. Anyway i guess thats all thats really goin on in my boring life yall. Well im outty with a poof!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:14876 2004-12-03T20:04:57Z 2004-12-03T20:04:57Z man...all ive been doing is working my ass off lately im sooo tired of working and my shoulder has really been bothering me lately. Lately ive been contemplating moving back to Indiana, sometime in late january or early february. Man, i cant wait. This place is literally ripping me apart, theres alot of financial and emotional debt involved with san diego. There really is a price for sunny days and beaches. But i really dont think i belong with the california lifestyle...But dont get me wrong, Ive tried my best to fit in and be part of the crowd, and if you ask me i think ive done a fairly good job at it. But yeah, i guess its time to move on and get on with my life. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:14595 2004-11-29T01:14:52Z 2004-11-29T01:15:11Z You fuckin disapoint me...why cant you turn and face me...you fuckin disapoint me...maybe your better off this way... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:14192 2004-11-23T19:04:31Z 2004-11-23T19:04:31Z Bush--Glycerine As most of you may know me and V are officially broken up...and i still havent killed myself or killed her family like "Joanna" nicely put it a while back. But i am happy...Ive recently started going back to church, and basically doing shit...for "me". A term i havent heard in a while. Im living with my Good Friend Larry and ive just been workin my ass off. Im not going to lie, it feels good. And as far as V goes...were not fighting anymore, in fact, we arent really even talking anymore. At least not for a while, we really do need to have some space in a situation like this. But for all of you who care, i do still love you all, and i wish you the best. Just know that im ok...and my rain still has diamonds in it!!<br /><br />Love you all,<br />Zim urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:14024 2004-11-19T02:13:40Z 2004-11-19T02:13:40Z Blam!- ICP yeah well, what can i say shits been ok the past couple days. I cant really complain about anything because its all good up in this hood DAWG!!! HAHAHA yeah anyway im kickin it to work now. Later yall. <br /><br />ZIm urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:13678 2004-11-18T01:41:49Z 2004-11-18T01:41:49Z Man, i wish i could explain to yall whats been happenin in my life, but unfortunately (for you) its strictly confidential. If you really wanna know whats up ask me in person and i MIGHT tell you. Ahh shit, i hate secrets... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:13431 2004-11-16T00:50:24Z 2004-11-16T00:50:24Z Id like to say to all of those who thought i might kill myself over breaking up with V (if it were to ever happen) you can all suck this dick! because you know what, i havent been depressed for like 6 weeks now, and ive gotta say that my sky is still raining diamonds and theres plenty more where they came from. Later yall... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:13294 2004-11-13T21:29:30Z 2004-11-13T21:29:30Z ICP-Walk into the Darkness YEAH MOTHER FAUKERS!!! The Hell's Pit tour was fuckin bad ass! I had such a blast yall. I couldnt fuckin believe they both had their heads shaved. It was a crazy ass concert. While i was up there i met a whole bunch of fuckin down ass ninjas who live in my fuckin town...it was fuckin cool as hell. Well i think im gonna go back to sleep now. Ive been partying all week now. Im fuckin tired...<br /><br />MMMFCL,<br />Zim urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:12977 2004-11-10T18:19:23Z 2004-11-10T18:19:23Z Twiztid- White trash wit tat 2's One more day and the fuckin party begins, i hooked up with a bunch of juggalos in anaheim and we throwin a pre-concert party, ima get tore up! hahaha j/k, or am I?!?!?! Anyhow the concerts tomorrow. Cant wait, luv yall, goodbye...<br /><br />MCL Lata,<br />Zim urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:12693 2004-11-08T11:50:26Z 2004-11-08T11:50:26Z ICP- simple and blunt What up yall? I just wanted to give everyone an update on ya know...me. If anyones even reading this shit anyhow. Man i gotta say, some of the shit ive been feeling lately has been fuckin great. Ive gotta say that im happier than ive ever been in my entire life. And for once its not due to any one person or a certain situation. This is all me baby...yeah thats right. Im fuckin happy, i really am. And i can say fuck everything else, fuck everyone else that aint down with me. In fact if you dont like me...STOP READING MY SHIT!!! Yeah...but i just wanted to say anyone who is there with me...i love yall. I mean it, for taking a little time to maybe listen or just let me rant. Thanx yall. But im cool now. For real...<br /><br />Lata,<br />The Incredible Zim urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:12326 2004-11-02T07:53:59Z 2004-11-02T07:53:59Z Crossing thy Bridge- Insane CLown Posse man, i gotta say...lately, ive been feeling reeeaalllyyy good. I dont know if its just me working again, or having a whole new grip of friends. Ive just gotta say to whoever is responsible,"Thank YOu..."<br /><br />Love you all,<br />Zim urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:12232 2004-11-01T15:30:34Z 2004-11-01T15:30:34Z Screw this fuckin shiiiiit!!! I've been in a hella good mood lately and i just got my ICP ticket, my homie larry spotted me until i get paid next, im so fuckin stoked about going to this show. Ive waited too long for this concert. Hopefully my friend jason will tag along as well. Anyhow, i think im out. Lata yall...<br /><br />The incredible Zim,<br />aka The Jugglas Back!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jakeakazim:11948 2004-10-28T10:10:42Z 2004-10-28T10:10:42Z Look... i realise my life cant be as shitty as my little mind i imagining it to be. So id like to take this moment to take back all the bitching and moaning ive been doing on this thing. So from now on i will no longer write in this journal. For those of you who know me...you can call me. That is all...Goodbye...<br /><br />The incredible Zim...